This Clean Reader debacle has become quite humorous. So the app only works on books you purchase through Clean Reader’s store and can be turned off if you so wish. Set to “Squeaky Clean” mode, the app thoroughly searches for words Clean Reader deems offensive and replaces them with words they’ve chosen for the offending word. They change the word “breasts” to “chest,” but are unable to distinguish between “chicken breasts” and women’s breasts. 

Hilarious. 

Let’s cook up some chicken chests tonight.

“Vagina” is changed to “bottom,” and “penis” has been relegated to a “groin.” “Christ” is changed to “gosh,” but Passion of the Gosh just doesn’t have the same ring to it. And praise Jesus, doesn’t feel the same as “praise Gee.” 

So bottom-line (that’s vagina-line to us UnClean Readers) is that readers can do whatever they want with books they purchase, and perhaps readers want someone to bleep out their books for them—and that’s fine. What really bugs me, is that Clean Reader is making their own determinations, or judgments, on what is profane and what words they choose to replace the profanity with. It’s not just curse words, but words describing body parts. A penis is a penis; a vagina is a vagina; they’re real words for real parts of the body, so why can’t they be called what they are? If you’re over a certain age, perhaps it’s time to acknowledge the names of body parts. You’re not having to say them aloud; you’re reading them. It’s a stupid app. If you can’t handle profanity, then don’t read romance, erotica, or other books you know will likely be riddled with “offensive” words. In many cases, changing the wording fucks with freaks with the context, rendering the text confusing and oftentimes, comical. 

Again, it’s a reader’s choice to do what they want with a book they’ve purchased and we have the choice to think it’s stupid. I do think this is something to keep a watchful eye on, as I can see this easily turning into a issue where sanitized books will be resold without author consent. Just saying. 

If anything, the app brings MORE attention to the profanity by replacing these words with hilariously ill-suited words. Beware, if your characters order “beans and wieners” at their favorite hot dog joint, I hope they don’t mind getting beans and groins.